So, here we are again, exactly where we took off. How do we recapture the magic of the moment? I think this time we are done. I always thought I was impenetrable, don’t scratch that. I think I was up until you. Before you, I was wrapped so tightly in ice. It’s shiny and pretty of course and you wouldn’t even know it’s there until it’s too late because you can see me through it. Somehow, someway you slipped in.
I can only hope to think there’s one plausible reason you left me and that was because you thought you were not good enough for me, I can’t bear to think that it is because I’m so broken you couldn’t piece me together and gave up.
I never believed in fate but now I believe that fate is the magnetic pull of our souls towards the people, place and things we belong with because I think the whole universe knows we belong together. You complete me, maybe you never knew but you did. Can you imagine a flame without a spark? You were the cloud to my rain.
You will never know how painful it is to see my pain mirrored in your eyes. That was the beginning of the end of our thing. I could not bear seeing you share in my pain.
The kind of pain that creeps on me silently, and I reach up innocently to touch my cheeks and look into the mirror only to see tears coursing down my cheeks. Maybe that is why I chose you because you are pure and untainted.
I never wanted that to change and I still don’t, you are the light to my darkness.
I am utterly lost, in my head and in yours. To find myself I have to let you go too because I think I would never be able to find myself if I am lost in you.
You think I didn’t fight for us enough? You would never know how much I tried. I don’t blame you for wanting me out. I felt so much all at once that I started to feel nothing. It didn’t happen all at once, you know. A slip there, a kick to the heart, a few pieces fall and I didn’t even realize it until I was truly and utterly broken.
Yes! You said pain and pleasure like night and day succeed each other but you will never understand the hell I feel inside my head. I’m torn apart, but for the innate strength I didn’t know I Possess, I was only eager to relinquish control to the noose.
If truly our souls are pulled towards the people we belong with, I still hold out hope for us and for me.
Written by Oladejo Damilola