I had always heard this inner voice yelling at me
‘You’re not good enough!’
And it was driving me crazy
Making me bitter
Because deep inside I knew
Deep inside, I knew truly I wasn’t good enough
I had never been good enough.
I was never good enough for my mother
When she abandoned me
Under that bridge years ago.
In the sickening cold
How could she?
Not even taking a look back
At the child she carried for nine months.
Am I good enough?
I wasn’t good enough
Not for him too
The one I looked up to.
He was my hero
I could walk with my eyes closed,
With him leading me on a grassland full of thorns
And I wouldn’t be afraid of getting hurt.
That was the level of trust I had in him,
But then it all came crashing down.
He gave me away when he got tired
In the cruelest way possible.
He didn’t even look back
Not when I cried my eyes out for him to take me back.
I didn’t let myself trust anyone anymore
Not even the ones I was given away to.
They were going to get tired of me too sooner than later
I had to keep my distance
I had to protect myself from the hurt of betrayal again.
Am I good enough?
I let myself be fooled by the ugliest and deadliest wolf
Posed as a charming, harmless sheep
Who couldn’t hurt a fly.
He made me feel like I was finally good enough
Oh, the joy I felt in my heart to finally good enough.
I burned all the bridges that led home to be with him
I knew I made the biggest and greatest mistake
Of my entire life the moment I got on the other side.
I couldn’t go back
Not after the way I left,
Not after all I had done
Shame wouldn’t let me.
So, I kept on living with the wolf
And his pack in the wild.
And then I saw the opening
To leave the wolf pack to a safer place
Bigger mistake
Turned out there wasn’t a safe place in the wild,
I was left battered and bruised
Inside and out
Worse than ever.
Am I good enough?
It takes a great misfortune
To wake up hard-hearted people.
That was what I got
A hard awakening.
When everything came crashing down,
Everything I had believed
To make me feel like I was good enough,
I turned to the only place I could
I turned to Him, my safe Haven.
The One I didn’t even want to think of before
Much less hear of.
He was the only one I could trust
To lift me from the pit I had made myself fall into
To bring me back to where I was supposed to be.
He was the One who had loved me unconditionally
From the very beginning
More than I deserved.
It was really worthwhile that He gave His life for me
I was lost, but now I’m found
I was blind but now I see.
Thank you, Jesus, for your amazing grace
Thank you, Jesus, for making me know
That I’m more than good enough for You.
Written by Grace Akinbowale
thegraceakin@gmail.com